Monday, February 18, 2008


It looks like my evil global decaffeination plan is a complete washout. A crew of thoughtful and opinionated bloggers have either poked holes in my plan or have declared their fierce and heartfelt opposition to any attempt at realizing my nefarious scheme;

Grampa stated very clearly that "you will never, ever, pry coffee out of my cold dead hands"

Comrade Kevin
stated that I could only have his coffee once I pulled his "cold, dead, five fingered hand away from (his) personal grinder".

PJ could care less about coffee
, but sternly warned me to keep away from her beloved tea. Sadly, I forgot to factor in my tea sipping brethren from the British Isles and took an exclusively North American-centric approach to my plans for global domination. Thanks for promoting cultural awareness PJ!

Dean Wormer reminded me that Starbucks is already controlled by Dr. Evil, which makes sense because who else would charge you $5 for a coffee that takes 15 minutes to order? I mean, what could be more evil than that?

Finally, Karen said she couldn't give a rip about "freakish" Starbucks consumers, or coffee for that matter, though noted that her morning coke (cola just for the record) is essential to her well being and ability to function in the morning.

It was far too easy to pull apart my fanciful and malevolent musings with the basic application of logic (or direct threats!). Oh well, there is always my back-up plan to convince the Writer's Guild to go on strike, thus putting our beloved TV shows on hiatus and forcing us to read books or go outside - MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.....

.....whats that you say ? This has indeed already happened and has in fact been resolved, our beloved TV shows will return shortly..... well throw me a friggin bone people, need the info here.

Man, do I ever suck at being evil!

Update: The wonderful Madame Z thinks I am at least " *borderline* evil." for even thinking up this rather heinous crime - so perhaps a few more years in Evil School and I will be on my way!


Liberality said...

just so that you know, it did work for awhile. people were coming into the library and complaining that they needed a book to read because what was on tv sucked. abolish all televisions I say!!!

Dean Wormer said...

Thanks for the shout out. If it makes you feel any better I think you're plenty evil.

Dr. Zaius said...

Don't give up so easily! I think that a plan for global decaffeination is pretty darned evil.

PJ said...

Nah, you're the menacing white pussycat which is cradled in the arms of an evil dictator.