Monday, May 30, 2011

GOING BLANK AGAIN

Today I was mostly non-functional. This may have been due to a number of factors including the grey weather, insufficient sleep this past weekend or the standard bout of general malaise that surfaces from time to time.

Regardless of causation the result is the same; I felt like a malfunctioning droid running on reserve energy. I needed to bypass certain higher brain functions (such as rational thought) in order to conserve energy for essential areas of functioning such as breathing, walking, and the ability to smile and nod during “conversations”.

The iPod mix in the background only helped to contribute to my workplace coma, and somewhere between Radiohead’sLotus Flower” and Animal Collective’s “Did You See The Word’s” I was lost on another plain of reality, drifting to another dimension while my body operated in auto-pilot (maybe not a good day to be listening to ethereal post-rock).

Now that I think about it, Thom York’s lyrics were relevant today;

I will sink and I will disappear
I will slip into the groove and cut me up

Yes, “sink and disappear” works well on day a like this, as I was lost in a void of sorts, a fog of nothingness that I drifted towards as the hypnotic rhythm of the music carried me away.

Today was about creating the illusion of actually being present, which in my books is OK once in a while. Anyone feeding you the “carpe diem” 24/7 line is either trying to sell you something or is functioning in a mythical place where the world doesn’t have the ability to occasionally suck the life out of you and force you to power down for a little while.

Some days are like this and I suppose it is good to ride the wave of nothingness occasionally and let it envelop you in its sweet and empty embrace.

7 comments:

Allison said...

You've described how I've been feeling lately. This weather really has gotten to everyone. However, it's been sunny out in the valley for the last two days and I woke up to new Blondie so I'm hoping that mix takes me on a turn around!

Westcoast Walker said...

I am with you on this, today was exceptionally drab for some reason. It's as if collectively we are all suffering form seasonal affective disorder and it seems to get worse over time.

Like you, I self-medicate with music, and I am also hoping some good selections tomorrow will be the deal breaker!

Sean Wraight said...

I can really relate to this post as well Matthew. Motivation has been a bit of a struggle lately and definitely waning. Perhaps "going blank again" might just be the surest sign its time to reboot the proverbial hard drive.

Music, some new books, a change in scenery. Going blank again might just be the brain's way of telling us to reboot.

A day off or two would help too!

Nice post.

s

Westcoast Walker said...

Thanks Sean - I always appreciate your thoughtful comments.

I was also thinking of just how incredibly hard we can be on ourselves about being "off" or unmotivated at times. I am trying to learn how to accept the ebbs and flows, and give myself some latitude and realize that you gotta get low sometimes before you can get back up (there's got to be a song about this!)

Liberality said...

hope you get to feeling more energetic soon WW!

Randal Graves said...

We've allowed ourselves to buy in to downtime being an unnatural state. Nothing wrong with zoning out now & then.

Westcoast Walker said...

Liberality - energy is slowly coming back - thanks!

Randall - agreed, both states co-exist, so why should one get all the credit?