MY TIME TRAVELLING OUTLOOK CALENDAR

I am utterly lost and hopeless at work if I don't enter everything in my calendar on Microsoft Outlook. I enter every appointment and always embrace the option to have little pop-ups appear at a designated time to remind me of another life altering meeting that I need to attend in 15 minutes.

While engaging in such an act of unnatural time management recently I inadvertently leaned on my mouse and ended up scrolling backwards (by monthly increments) on my calender. I assumed wrongly that by the time it reached back to the mid 1990's somewhere it would come to a grinding halt. I remembered a new VCR I had in 1995 and how its programing dates stopped at 2008. I wasn't sure if this reflected technical limitations or a lack of optimism about the future (or perhaps the perceived longevity of the VCR).

Anyways, in a surreal fashion the decades began to count backwards as I applied more pressure and engaged in multiple and rapid clicking on my mouse. The 80's and 70's zipped by in a flurry and then my calender began to breeze through the decades that predated my existence, month after month, year after year. I gave up at the year 1864, though you do know that I will one day take it ALL THE WAY back to see what happens.

I began to wonder if I could somehow circumnavigate the space time continuum and send little reminders to myself via my time travelling Outlook calendar. Here are two examples of what I might send to my past and future counterparts given the opportunity to do so;

• January 5, 1982 - "Matthew, please STAY INSIDE during recess today - a very unfortunate game of kissing tag will commence on the playground, resulting in you being surrounded by a mob of fellow fifth graders demanding that you kiss Suzy Williamson. Your cold sore and humiliation will be legendary!"

• March 12, 2021 - "My Dearest Matthew, if you haven't written an award winning or ground breaking novel by now you are indeed a lazy asshole and better get to it quickly before time runs out - P.S. How are the polar icecaps doing?

Don't get into the pragmatics, I am sure my 1980's Speak & Spell could receive the future message with today's technology applied to it, and well, it is already possible to jump ahead in Outlook and send yourself reminders or threats in the near or distant future. So get typing and send yourself some dire warning or inspirational speech about what you hoped your life would become.

Now excuse me while I send a warning to my Viking ancestors about the mortal danger of developing Scurvy during a long sea voyage.