Monday, January 11, 2010

"A-PROROGUING WE WILL GO"

Thankfully, our tireless Prime Minister has inspired the electorate with a wonderful new precedent; when things get heated or when people start asking annoying questions you simply get the hell out of dodge!

Since we are being told that proroguing parliament for a few months in order to sort out a few "priorities" is valid, I think the same luxury should be extended to the population in general. On this basis, here are my proposals for a few things in my life that I would like to "prorogue" given the opportunity;

  1. THAT PESKY VISA BILL - Seems simple enough, I should advise Visa that I would like to "prorogue" my payments for a few months so I can direct my dwindling disposable income towards more desirable avenues; new iPhone here I come!
  2. GOING TO WORK - Come to think of it, my job is pretty intense at times, perhaps I can inform my employer that I intend to prorogue the whole "showing up for work" racket for a while so I can take time to collect my thoughts, take leisurely walks through Stanley Park or catch a few shows. This should work out nicely for me.
  3. SLEEPING - I have wasted far too much much time lying around, engaging in pointless REM sleep. Perhaps it is time to prorogue idle slumber for a while so I can take the time to study Latin, learn HTML or contemplate further how to get a dysfunctional Parliamentary system working again.
  4. PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS - Maintaining healthy relationships with friends and loved ones requires far too much effort. Memo to you all: I wish to prorogue all discourse, relational activities and accountability for a few months so I can have some "me time". This is normal, really.
  5. PAYING TAXES - I think for every day of prorogued parliament we should be able to hold back the equivalent percentage of our yearly income tax. Take your time Mr. Harper, it's OK - I'm three weeks away from buying that new 50' flat screen.
  6. HAVING TO EXPLAIN MYSELF - I also wish to prorogue indefinitely the right of anyone in my life to question, challenge or ask me to defend any assertion or crack-pot theory that I express; there is indeed blue cheese on the moon, a sock stealing gnome in my laundry room and a giant hedgehog named Spiny Norman who follows me everywhere.
What are the unpleasant things you would like to prorogue?

Oh, by the way - here's a little "demotivational" poster I made for anyone thinking of embracing the fine art of proroguing;

5 comments:

Allison said...

Brilliant post, Matthew!

I would like to prorogue most everything on your list. In fact just this morning I was wishing I could call in sick, but then realized no, I don't have the luxury.

Love the poster, too. Well done, you! :)

Liberality said...

ah, the joys of an unaccountable government--we here in the US know exactly how that feels...

I will prorogue cleaning house. I waste way too much time sweeping, wiping down, cleaning out and washing stuff. And in the end we are all worm food anyway so why should it matter if the laundry is cleaned, folded, and put away?

Comrade Kevin said...

That's just what robots do when times get tough.

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